TITLE: Laughing Matter	
AUTHOR: Joey Cacho
EMAIL ADDRESS: acacho@sprint.ca
DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Archive
SPOILER WARNING: I'd put this story's timeline a few months before 
"The End"
RATING: G	
CONTENT WARNING: Mulder/Scully, but then Jarod/Scully, then finally 
Mulder/Scully and Jarod/Holly
CLASSIFICATION: C as in Crossover	
SUMMARY: On vacation, Scully meets Jarod, the perfect man to attract 
Mulder to Scully.

Scully pulled a cart full of groceries at a variety store.  She had 
taken a couple of days off from the Bureau so she would have some 
time to recover from a traumatic incident that happened while she 
and her partner was investigating an X-file, in  Gaon, Mali, South 
Africa, where she was mugged by monkeys gone beserk.  Bruises and broken 
bones have healed over the past few weeks, after the incident, but 
the emotional damages have not.  

Also, while in Gaon, something happened that made her uneasy around 
Mulder from then on.  Both she and Mulder were surrounded by monkeys 
running around, on them, under them, beside them, they're everywhere.  
She was screaming Mulder's name (that would be: Mulder), crying for 
help.  She could not open her eyes because of the risk of them being 
gauged out by baboons and monkeys.  So, she spinned, tackled, trying 
to grab a hold of Mulder, whom she can hear screaming as well.  Then, 
all of a sudden, she grabbed something that made her open her eyes, 
just to make sure that she was holding what she thought she was holding: 
Mulder's genitalia.  Instantly, Mulder yelled, "Hey, stupid baboon, 
not there!"  He couldn't see her because of the multitude of creatures 
hitting, running, screaming around him.  

What the ****, thought Scully.  "Sorry, it's me!" she yelled to him, 
letting the poor thing go and transferred her grip on to Mulder's 
legs.  She clung to it like a monkey, but wasn't sure if she wanted 
to remain there.  Finally, something else have caught the monkeys' 
attentions: a purple dinasaur's cage nearby was burning, and they run 
to it, being attracted to flames.  

Come on, Scully, it could have happened to anyone, she comforted herself 
as she picked a box of milk.  Anyone could have grabbed that thing in 
the street because of its...hmm...cream cheese or slim cream cheese, 
definitely fat cream cheese! she thought to herself.  As she circled 
the cart to another shelf, it pushed a case of Coca-Cola cans off of 
their display and it slammed on the floor, creating a sprinkler, spraying 
coke everywhere.  "Sonofabitch!" screamed the poor lady.  Scully 
covered her eyes and tried covering it with her whole body, but sprays 
of coke penetrated her exposed nostrils, irritating her nose, and she 
had to step back, forcing a sneeze.  As she walked back, she slipped on 
the wet floor, falling on her back.  Then, suddenly, two hands held both 
her arms, pulling her up. 

After she gained balance by the help of the mystery man, she turned around 
to see a tall, slender man wearing a pair of stylish sun glasses, grinning.  
"Thanks," she said to the man, wiping dry her soaked jeans and t-shirt.  
The man looked down on her clothes, just like a manager would look at his 
model client, then he asked, sympathetically, "You alright, Ms...?"  
"Scully, Dana Scully, yeah, I'm, I'm alright.  Thank you very much," she 
replied.  

She turned around to see the mess she'd caused, and a janitor cleaning it already.  
"Don't worry, I'll pay for that," the good Samaritan said.  Scully faced the 
man, and said, "No, no, I couldn't let you," "I'll pay for that, if you be my 
tour guide," the man smiled.  Scully studied the man's clothes, who didn't 
looked like a tourist, but instead, he dressed like some Armani model, she then 
asked, "Where from?" "Texas," and they walked to the counter to pay their groceries 
and the damage fee.  author's note: I wrote this before the X movie came out (and that 
would be the XF:FTF).  I wasn't aware of any Texas connections in the movie!  weird, no?
*****
Scully and the man went to a restaurant after they left her apartment to eat dinner.  
Scully insisted on taking him at a restaurant as their first stop on a tour.  
"So, Dana, what do you do?" the man asked, pouring  champagne on both their glasses.  
Scully put her fork down and replied, "I'm a scientist, a pathologist to be precise.  
I work for the FBI," "Really?  I thought you were a stewardess," he said, handing 
the glass of champange to her.  Scully curled her lips together, smiled, and said, 
"People who hire for Customs only hire good looking people." "My thoughts exactly," 
the man said, smiled, and held up his glass, offering a toss.  Scully complied and 
slightly hit his glass, and they both drunk.

"So, Jarod, howb't you?  What do you do?  Aside from helping people," 
she asked afterwards.  "Oh, I have many talents: speed driving, 
medical doctor, teachnician, weatherman, you name it, baby," he 
casually replied.  "Taking a time off, eh?" he asked.  "Yeah, actually.  
It's funny, 'cause usually I'm real busy, so when I got my vacation, 
it took time for me to get use to it.  I'm already missing a lot of 
people I work with." "So why don't you go back?"  Jarod asked.  
Scully laughed a little, and said, "I'm not really sure if I want to 
go back, not yet anyway," "How is that?" "Well, it's my partner.  
While working on a case that required wrestling baboons, I accidentally 
grabbed his...equipment."  There was silence between them for 3 seconds, 
then Jarod chuckled, then she chuckled too.  Pretty soon, they're laughing 
their heads off, almost falling on the floor, not caring about anyone 
else in the restaurant.  "I-I never realized it as funny," she struggled 
to say between laughs. "What you have to know is, was it happy to see you 
too?" asked Jarod, while wiping tears off the sides of his eyes.  
This brought a new reason for them to laugh and laugh.  "Now that you've 
mentioned it, I did felt a sudden increase of its size.  But he thought it was 
a baboon who was giving it to him."

And there they went insulting the poor man as they ate their dinner.
*****

As Scully searched for her keys in her bag, she chuckled as Jarod lay 
on the floor, laughing, crying.  "Quiet, Ms. Dubose is going to hear 
us," warned Scully, not really meaning it.  "He rode the coffin like 
a cowboy? That's the funniest thing I've ever heard," said Jarod.  
"Oh, wait 'till I tell you about what he said when I found him at the 
hotel, he was drugged, and was saying all this stuff about chef," she 
said as she opened her apartment door.  

She went in, invited Jarod in for a drink, who was still laughing.  
She went straight to the kitchen while  Jarod sat on the sofa, struggling 
to get a hold of himself.  When Scully returned from the kitchen with 
a bottle of champange and two glasses she found him chewing candy that 
came from his pocket.  She poured on each glass, handed one to Jarod, 
offered a toss, and said, "To our laughing matter." After taking a sip, 
Jarod put his glass down, and asked his tour guide, "You like him, don't 
you?" Scully curled her eyebrows together and replied, "What do you mean 
I like him?" "You fell on him head over heels, didn't you?"

Scully laid her glass down on the coffee table, smiled, thinking about 
what she's gonna say, whether he can trust this man or not.  Finally, the 
spirit took control of her, and suddenly, she felt so close to this man.  
It felt like she can tell everything to this man, a man she didn't even 
knew until hours ago, and it wasn't even a comfortable event, it was very 
uncorfortable that required quick decisions.  

The dim light around them also encouraged her to talk about her feelings, 
her inner feelings.  To her, the near-darkness meant that anything she'd 
say tonight would be kept hidden in the dark, except to this man who's 
face was so alive and full of friendliness.  He looks like a yappy person, 
thought Scully.

It took her a sigh and a curl of the lips before she could respond, "Yeah, 
I think he's a great guy.  It wouldn't matter what I say to him anyway, 
he's too pre-occupied with his work.  He doesn't even think much of me.  
I already gave him the look, the hug, the cry, the love-chuckle, everything, 
and none of them worked.  Besides, I am too busy with my own cases.  I don't 
have time gadding about with some guy who watches porno for pleasure, and 
have weird friends-" "I don't think you're weird," ",whatever," then she flew her 
arms up the air, slouched on the sofa and said, "Oh, god, I LOVE him!"

Jarod leaned over her so he's on top of Sculy, hesitated for a moment, 
then finally, said, "Maybe, he's gay."  At that, Scully pushed him, and 
he went flying over the couch like a cat, "Get out!" she yelled.  She 
then realized what she has done and run to Jarod who was struggling to get 
up, dazed as he was, he had trouble doing so.  "Omigosh, I'm-I'm really, 
sorry," she apologized, and helped him up on the sofa.  "My glasses, 
where's my sunglasses?" Jarod asked as he looked for it under the coffee 
table.  Scully helped him look for the sunglasses that went flying as its 
owner was violently pushed.  She found it, on the side of the sofa, broken 
into piesces.  He was devastated when she handed the sunglasses, or what 
was left of it, to him.  She then apologized her heart out to him, to 
which Jarod replied, "Oh, no, that's okay, really," and he put the piesces 
on the coffee table.  "He's not gay, I'm telling you.  Have you seen 
homosexual men who has a collection of heterosexual porn movies?"  Jarod 
shook his head.  "But believe me, I am a man.  I know a no-no-man when I 
see one," "-yeah but you haven't seen him." "But he does sound like one, 
doesn't he?  I mean, if he was a man, then I shouldn't be here.  I should 
still be out there wondering which street I should take and you should 
have been long happy with your husband," he studied Scully's reaction for 
a moment, but realized that he had hypnotized her.  

Scully was thinking about something else.  An idea has been growing in her 
mind as she listened to Jarod.  When he stopped talking, her face did not 
change, she continued to stare at him, then she said, "Wanna bet?" "Pardon?"  
Then, Scully slowly formed a devilish smile, grinning at her own plan.  She 
stood up and started explaining, "Why don't we see it for ourselves? Help me 
find out if he really is gay or not." Jarod stood up and asked her, "How?"  
"There's going to be a banquet on the night after tomorrow.  Every FBI agent 
in the state is going to be there, with flowers and dances and everything.  
We could go there and give everyone the impression that there's something 
goin' on between us, including Mulder," and she grinned.  "You're drunk," joked 
Jarod.  "Who's not?" and both laughed. 

"Let me get this straight.  You want us to march to that banquet holding 
hands?  How about your partner?  He obviously knows you very well and 
I'm sure he's going to have questions, like where did we meet? what do I 
do? Do I like science? Come on, let's fabricate our story," Jarod lead her 
to the sofa to sit down.  Once they're comfortably sitting down, Scully 
said, "What we're going to tell everyone is that I met you at an adult video 
store, that you like watching video stores.  When I saw you, I started 
talking to you about him, and that in the process, I found out that I find 
men who watches porn movies sexy." "Wait, wait, what were you doing at the 
store in the first place?" Scully thought for a moment about Jarod's question.  
Suddenly, Jarod snapped his fingers and proceeded to answer his own question, 
"Let's just say you were bored to death, and that you miss your partner, so in 
order to not to miss him, you went to burrow an adult movie, so it could remind 
you of him, that's perfect!" Suddenly, the phone rang.  
Scully picked it up and said, "Hello?" 
"Scully, how're you doin'?" 
"Mulder? Something that matter?"
"Nope, but I just wanted to call you about the dance that's coming up."
"Oh, yeah, I'm going with a date."
"Huh?"
"His name is Jarod.  I'd like to tell you more about him but I gotta 
go, we're watching The Brave Little Toaster."
"Oh, h-he's there?"
"Uh-huh."
"W-Well, do you want me to pick you up?"
"No, thanks, Jarod has a car."
"Okay, well I guess I better let you go then."
"Yep."
"Okay."
"Bye."
"Okay."
"Okay, see you," and she hung up the phone.  She turned to face Jarod 
who was listening the whole time, "That was him," she said, smiling.  
"Where's The Brave Little Toaster video?" he asked.  "I don't have one, 
I was just making it up," she replied.  Jarod disappointedly muttered, 
"Oh," and he slouched on the sofa.  Scully smiled, and asked, "Why? You 
like the little toaster?" "I like Mr. Broom."  Jarod stood up, stretched 
his arms, and said, "Well, I better go now. I should let you get some 
rest." 

"Do you know your way to your hotel?" 
"Uh-huh," Jarod replied. 
Scully led him to the door, opened it for him.  Jarod held the door from 
Scully and said, "Well, thanks for the dinner." 
"No, thank you."
"I'll call you tomorrow, that's if you don't have any plans."
"Oh, no.  I'm all yours tomorrow."
"Okay, then expect to hear from me."
"Sure, I'll plan out your tour tonight."
"Okay, bye."
"See you."
He went out of the door lazily, as if he didn't want to live.
Scully returned to the livingroom where she cleaned up the table.  
After she's done with the table, she started on their tour route for 
tomorrow.  It didn't taker her long to figure out where they're 
going, which places they're going to be visiting.  
*****

Just like any morning scene, the street where Scully's building is 
situated is already filled with cars, honking at each other.  This 
doesn't always bother her desire to stay in bed as long as she wants 
because her bulding has 15 floors and she lives in the 13th floor.  
Her mother warned her about living in a floor that's marked with the 
number considered as an omen of bad luck.  Scully replied that she 
didn't believed in superstitions, and this did not surprised Mrs. Scully.  
The minute Dana said no, Mrs. Scully knew that it'd be her best interest 
to just get out of her daughter's way.  

She still fast asleep, with the sun shining on her.  Inside her mind, 
she's dreaming that she's at her mother's house, and that she can hear 
her mother's timer ringing like hell: a sign that whatever is in the 
oven is done.  She'd expected to see her mom to get the food outside 
the oven, but no one came.  Instead, the alarm just kept ringing and 
ringing and it's hurting her ears.  She tried to cover her ears but 
as she couldn't move her hands up, as it appeared they were in chains. 
That's when her ringing phone woke her up.

She glanced at her clock, it's 11:30 in the morning.  She got up and 
went to the living room, where she answered the caller.
"Hello?"
"Scully, busy today?"
"Actually, yes, Mulder.  I'm taking Jarod around the city, why?"
"No matter.  So...did you get a good night sleep?"
"You know, I've forgotten how it feels like to sleep in without no 
annoying callers who really-"
"Guess what, Scully: I saw Frohike with this good looking girl last 
night."
"Uh-huh."
"I...umm...ended up joining them."
"In other words, you ruined Frohike's date?"
"Well, I wouldn't go that far.  I mean, sure, the girl kept looking 
at m-"
"Oh, hang on, someone's in the other line. Hello?"
"Giddy yup, let's go!"
"Morning, Jarod."
"So...did you get a good night's sleep?"
"No. I stayed up all night planning your tour, jimbo.  So I better get 
something back for this."
"Oh, sure.  We'll have fun tomorrow night."
" Speaking of the party, is a suit a problem for you?"
"Well, I was thinking if we could drop by at Rosen's during the tour."
"No problem."
"Oh, you know something? I was watching this special last night, It 
was called "When Humans Attack".  Can't imagine how victims could 
survive that."
"Yeah.  So, I'll uh, pick you up at 1?"
"That'd be great.  Gotta go."
"Yeah, see ya."
"'kay"
She hang up the phone.  She started getting up but then the phone rang 
again.  She went and picked it up, asked, "Hello?" 
"Umm, Scully? Who was that on the other line?" She could hear Mulder's 
voice in the other end of the line.  Scully had realized that she had 
forgotten that she'd put Mulder's call on hold while she talked to 
Jarod.  She was about to apologize but decided that she's just going 
to pretend that the it never happened.  "It's Jarod, just checking up on 
me.  Are you working on anything right now?" 
"Y-yeah.  I'v-I've accomplished so many things since you were 
gone.  I-I'm also babysitting Yuju, sh-she's right here in my office 
right now, actually.  W-we're getting along very well, yes surey-do-bob!  
Do you want to speak to her?  Yujo, here, puppy, puppy.  Come here little 
girl. N-no, don't-come here pup-hey, don't step on those!  Could you 
hang, Scully?" 
Scully can hear Mulder's screaming voice in the back round, "COME 
HERE, YOU LITTLE SUN OF A GUN! COME-STUPID PUPPY, HERE, COME HERE, 
TALK TO MAMA.  HERE PUPPY, PUPPY! COME HERE RIGHT NOW OR I'LL KICK 
YOUR TINY LITTLE ASS!" As far as patience go, Scully have heard enough, 
a reason why she just hang up the phone without even saying goodbye 
to Mulder.
*****

It's already 12:52 on Scully's watch, and she's driving to Jarod's 
hotel.  She had forgotten to ask Jarod where he's staying and had to 
call him back and ask him the name of his hotel.  As she pulled over 
her car on the parking lot of the hotel, she saw Jarod's face from 
his window looking out.  He moved his lips to simulate a greeting, 
and Scully waved back.  Then she saw Jarod walked from the window, 
probably to go out already.

Moments later, both are already on their way to the Capitol, where 
Scully is taking Jarod for his tour.  Jarod took his back pack, 
opened it and took out a Blur cd.  He asked her permission if he 
could insert it in the cd player to which Scully agreed.  Soon, S
ong #2 is banging on their ears.  

From the corner of Jarod's eyes, he could see Scully's body swinging 
ever so slightly, almost unnoticeable.  "So, tell me more about 
Mulder!" yelled Jarod over the high volume.  Even so, this did not do 
the trick, Jarod knew, because Scully just looked at him wonderingly. 
He reached for the volume control and turned it down so he can hear 
what Scully would say.  She smiled as she rock on her seat, staring at 
the road in front of them.  "Well, as I've said before, he has a 
collection of weird videos in his office, watches them whenever I'm 
not around-that I've noticed for the past 5 years we've been working 
together.  He's really into this UFO stuff-I'm telling you, if you 
wanna know my love, just walk in to his office and voila, secrets 
revelaed." "I don't think I need to know that.  I already have you.  
You seem to know everything about him."
*****

Finally, Scully and Jarod finished their tour and, after stopping by 
at Rosen's, they head to his hotel.  As the two sit silently, the sun 
sets behind the tall buildings of Washington DC.  Less and less people 
can now be seen walking in the road with their dogs and puppies, charming 
as ever.  Earlier, during their tour, as they both made their way to 
get a glimpse of the White House, they befriended a St. Bernard puppy 
and its owner, a man in his late twenties Scully have speculated.  
The puppy's name was Carter and he really looked so cute and its hair 
shone ever so brightly as the sun gives its golden colour life.  Seeing 
another dog reminded her of her own previous dog who has have an 
unfortunate experience while they were at a cottage, she explained 
to Jarod.  

Minutes later, Jarod was opening his motel room, and insisted Scully 
should not enter it, but she was persistent.  As Scully entered the 
room, it revealed something she had not expected from a man like 
Jarod as she had known him.  She stepped on a pair of jeans, and 
almost touch one of his briefs as she sat down.  He took a boxer off 
of his lamp and turned it on, giving them more lighting.  

"Who'd did you have over last night, an entire Jerry Springer reunion 
show?" "I couldn't find my candy bar last night," he explained.  
"So, you hungry?" he asked.  

"Oh. No, I'm still full with that cuccero we had earlier."  she replied.  
Jarod took the bag containing his suit he just bought today.  
"Want to try it on?" she asked him as she took the bag from Jarod and 
opened it.  "Sure," he replied and started unbottoning his shirt.  
When he took it off, Scully could not take her eyes off his chissled 
pecs, with those lines and everything.  It became harder for Scully 
to swallow a lump in her throat when Jarod took off his pants, 
leaving him wearing only a pair of boxers.  Brutus, brutus golly, 
cheered Scully to herself as she feasted on her friend's body with 
her eyes.  When distorted images started forming in her mind, she 
curled her lips and distracted herself by zipping and unzipping the 
bag of Jarod's suit.  The deed also formed some profane images in her 
mind so she finally said, after a few seconds of struggling to 
swallow, "What are you gonna be doing for the next...oh I don't know, 
few months?" She took the suit out of the bag and helped him to put 
them on.  

"I don't know, maybe become a doctor next," he replied.  When he'd put 
the suit on, he went to face a mirror and examined the reflection.  
Scully came behind him, and she put her hands on his sides and turned 
him 90°.  "You think I can pass as your boyfriend with this?" he asked.
"What are you talking about, if I weren't in love with somebody else, 
I would have fallen heads over heels to you," she replied.   "That's 
all right, I'm taking it off.  So, what's your plan.  Fabricate our 
relationship," he said.  "Oh, I already worked on that.  We'll tell 
them that you're an architect, and that you draw the blue prints of 
the Kindersley Tower in Vermont,  and that you draw the new design 
for the new McKinley Project Building.  You work at the CMA, where I 
met you-" 

"Hang on, what were you doing at a firm in the first place?" 

"They won't ask that, Mulder's not exactly a skeptical kind of a guy. 
So, anyway, on our first date, we went to this real amazing restaurant 
where they won't let people enter if they're not wearing a suit.  
Reason why I never spoke of you to him is that you asked me to because 
you wanted to keep a low profile."

And so she went along with all the things she thought about the night 
before.  
*****

Jarod pushed the number in the elevator, indicating which floor he'd 
want the machine to drop him off.  He pushed 13, where Scully's 
apartment is located.  There are two other people in the elevator; 2 
1/5 actually, including a dog that the old man is with.  As they 
passed 3rd floor, Jarod kneeled down to the dog, then he looked up 
to the old man to ask permission if he could pat the cute little 
beast.  When he got it, Jarod stretched out his hand, fingers curled 
and see if the dog would come close and lick it or stay where he is 
and show his teeth.  To much of his delight, the St. Bernard dog 
approached Jarod's fist and sniffed it.  He saw the dog's tag, its 
name is Boomer.  When the owner asked him if he were a veterinarian 
or a breeder, Jarod replied, "Yeah, okay.  Why?" "I know a vet when 
I see one," explained the lucky dog-owner.  

Then the elevator's doors opened and he saw that they're already in 
the 13th floor.  He tapped the dog's head one more time and nodded a 
smile to the owner.  As he approached Scully's door, he looked on his 
watch, it's 7:45.  He quickened his walk as he knew that the ball 
would start at 8.  When he reached the door, he stopped for a moment 
to fix his tie, then knocked.  Scully shouted from inside her 
apartment, "Come on in!" Jarod opened the door, entered and waited 
for his host to show.  

Then all of a sudden, he felt like he'd gone to heaven and met the 
most beautiful woman in the world! He couldn't speak or do anything 
as Scully gracefully walked out of her room, caring a purse, and the 
most beautiful and sexy dress on her.  

Scully curled her eyebrows together as she examined Jarod.  She then 
approached him and fixed his tie, then said, "There, all set?" as she 
wiped on his jacket, brushing off small fibers stuck with static.  
Jarod opened the door for her, and as she went out, she gave him the 
keys of her apartment and car.  He then locked Scully's apartment and 
they walked to the elevator.  

There's a method in her madness.  There's a method in her madness.
There's a method in her madness.  There's a meth...., chanted Jarod 
to himself as he followed Scully to the elevator.
*****

Two doormen opened the elegantly designed door for Jarod and Scully 
to enter.  As they entered, they saw that the room is full of men in 
tuxedos with their female partners in night gowns and fake jewelries.  
For the next moment, Scully have spotted two or three familiar faces 
in the room, and she tightened her grip on Jarod's hands as she saw 
Skinner walking towards them.  The director kept his eye on Jarod as 
he made his approach, then said, "Hi," to Scully.  

"Sir.  This is my friend, Jarod Stanley, an architect.  Jarod, this 
is my boss, Ass. Dir. Walter Skinner." she introduced her partner to 
her senior officer.  The two men shook their hands together, greeting 
each other.  Scully quickly scanned the floor for sesame seeds, then 
returned her attention to Jarod, disappointed that she didn't find any 
sign of Mulder.  

Skinner noticed that Scully was looking for Mulder, he knew her 
enough to come to that conclusion.  He then gave Scully the bad news, 
"Mulder is not going to be able to attend tonight.  He told me 
earlier."  "Oh, he's not.  Well, too bad for him," she struggled to 
keep cool, trying hard not to look so disappointed.  "Did he tell 
you why?" Jarod asked Skinner.  

Skinner shook his head.

"Jarod, there's champaign and Jamaican puttjorins over there if you 
like," told Skinner.  "Sure. Dana, want me to get one for you?" 
"Sure, thanks."

When Jarod was gone, Skinner examined Scully's face.  He then said, 
"An architect, huh? Wouldn't you settle for Mulder?" Scully was 
shocked by Skinner's question.  And then, a woman came up behind her. 
She saw it was Holly, another agent.  

Holly asked her, "Dana, where'd Mulder go?"
"H-He's not coming.  I'm with another guy, he just went for 
champaign," replied Scully.
"Why? Did you and Mulder had a fight?" asked Holly.
"Oh, no.  A fight, come on.  They're made for each other!" said Skinner.
"What are you doing?" asked the confused and scared Scully to Skinner.  
She didn't have any idea what's gotten into her friends.
"Here you go, honey.  Ooops, careful," said Jarod as he handed the 
glass to Scully.
Holly moved beside Jarod, then she said, "What's your name, stud?"
Scully curled her eyebrows together.  

She asked Holly, "Stud?," as she pulled Jarod nearer to her.
"Wanna dance?" asked Holly.  She didn't even wait for his reply, she 
just took Jarod's hands, lead him to the dance floor, and they started 
dancing.  First, her left hand was cupping Jarod's right butt-cheek.  
Jarod smiled to Holly, and gently took her hands off his ass and rested 
them on his shoulder instead.  

"Now, come on, Scully.  Tell me you like Mulder," asked Skinner when 
he'd gotten Scully attention.  "I don't!" lied Scully.  "Come on, it's 
me.  I was watching Oprah yesterday and she said friends make terrific 
husbands," reassured Skinner.  "Where am I?  I feel like some High 
Schook bitch talking to her best friend.  And you, you're acting like a 
wacko with that flirt over there."
"So do you like-" "Alright! Yes, yes I do.  I'm madly in love to my 
partner!  I love him so much I just wanna squeeze his head between 
my legs, but unfortunately, I can't do that 'cause he says I have 
little legs, and I believe him.  The sheriff with the big buck teeth 
was just a show to make him jealous.  I never liked sheriffs.  Who 
needs them, anyway? He's my one in 5 billion.  I love him."
"And the architect?"
"A desperate measure to make him fall in love to me."

Everyone in the room heard everything Scully said because the music 
stopped temporarily when Scully started shouting her answers.  
Scully just felt like she'd burn on the spot.  Her face was so hot 
you could toast bread on her cheeks.  

"Okay, show's over," said a familiar voice from the door.  

Scully turned around to see Mulder standing by the door, his 
fingers nervously playing with a sesame seed.  
"What are you doing here?" asked Scully.  
"Skinner said-" "Fabricated, Scully.  Me and Holly were to make sure 
you'll confess.  We get $500 each to do that," explained Skinner.  
"Listen, Scully.  I love you.  I want to spend my whole life with 
you," confessed Mulder.  "Oh I love you too, Mulder," Scully replied 
as they hugged.  Holly sniffed as she wiped tears from her eyes.  
Jarod noticed it and asked her, "What are you crying about?" 
"Oh, it's just so wonderful.  Dances, weddings, funerals," replied 
Holly.

The leader of the band that was playing that night came over to 
Skinner and whispered, "Sir, shall we keep playing?" Then Skinner 
replied, "If music be the food of love, play on."

End

Author's Note:  Stupid.  Stinkin plot.  Not good.  How did I do?